I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
