My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
