listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
