Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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