I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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