I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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