We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
