No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
