If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
should my penis look like a turkey
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
