Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
