He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
