I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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