I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
