I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
