I think I am morally bankrupt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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