You can't motorboat a personality
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
