Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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