She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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