Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
