thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
