the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize