just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize