Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize