she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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