And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
