This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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