what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
