There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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