I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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