so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
