it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize