shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
