Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
