I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
