five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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