If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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