So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
