i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
