no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
