His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyone says I win the strip club
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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