So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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