Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
