white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
