His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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