It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
