jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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