I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
