it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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