I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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