There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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