I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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