and you said cock pushups were impossible
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
