He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize