You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My feet surprised me
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