Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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