I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
