so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
