Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
