At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize