watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
