A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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