I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
