I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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