What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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