bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
