Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
