You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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