If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there is glitter all over my balls
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
